Love according to life

It’s a long story but I’ll try to keep it short.

A few years ago before I met the love of my life I was moments away from giving up on love.  I had finally come to terms with myself & what love really meant to me.  But it seemed almost impossible to find the person that love was meant for.

There has always been an empty space in my heart that I just didn’t know how to fill.  It was as if I was going through life with a blindfold over my eyes, slowly walking, following an invisible string that connected me to someone else.  A string that turned, twirled, & knotted in between people making it confusing & frustrating to figure out who the string actually belonged to.  Finally feeling helpless & wanting to quit because I just couldn’t find the end of it.

So for a moment I did quit. I let go of everything. I stopped & just lived a complete normal-ish life & focused only on myself.

After a few months, self focusing helped me ground myself a little, & I gained a much more calm-positive outlook on life. A perspective where there’s absolutely hope for a better life.

Then… it happened.  I had almost forgotten about that silly invisible string by the time I met my husband.

When I first met my husband it was unexpected, & although it isn’t a good story to tell of how we met I still look back to it being a perfect night.

We didn’t talk for a couple of weeks, but when we did start talking again we started to just hang out with each other.  I remember still feeling like I was in a routine schedule. Work, home, work, home, some hanging out here & there with my now husband, but mostly work & home.  But there was something different about the way I felt about this routine. I felt happy.

I was enjoying this moment with my now husband.  It was effortless. I knew I was falling for him, but I didn’t want to ask anything, or mention my feelings for fear of losing the moment.  It all seemed too good to be true.  So if it was a dream I was going to let myself keep dreaming with him.

Time seemed to be speeding by.

It wasn’t until a few months later that it all just hit me.  An overwhelming bundle of feelings that were accumulating every single day just came rushing into my heart like a burst of energy.  After all that, I didn’t know what to do. I felt a lot at one time & with intensity.

That’s when I realized that I was wrong about how I followed the string before.

I wasn’t supposed to follow it at all. The string pulled me along all on its own. Once I stopped following & trying to find the end, the string tightened on itself to bring its ends closer to each other.  I was trying too hard to tug on it & pull in closer.  By doing so I caused the twists, turns, twirls, & knots.  So when I let it loose it loosened itself & it was able to do its thing & guide me with it.  I love my husband. It’s rare to find love these days, to marry the person you’re in love with, & even more so to stay married & build such a wonderful life together.

I know the string theory may seem like a bit much, but that’s how it feels for me everyday.  Even married, that string tugs at me to move when he moves, to feel the separation when he leaves for work, or even to go to the next room.  I feel instant happiness & I can feel my face light up as soon as I see him. When he talks, I feel as if everything he says is amazing.

I am happy & absolutely blessed to have married the love of my life!