Oh to be able to take my mom-naps

I know it’s an overwhelming time for many during this COVID-19 phase of the year. Especially rooting for people with multiple school aged kids to have to homeschool for now.

I myself have a kinder kid, a 2 year old in early ed, and a 7 month baby. Of course my husband, thankfully, is able to work cut hours to keep our bellies appropriately full.

Yes, our structured days all went out the window after day 3 of our original spring break. I held on to a couple of things that are absolutely essential to getting back to normal after all this is over. Meal times, nap times, and bedtimes. Honestly as long as we don’t drive each other crazy who cares what the in-between parts of the day are or even what order. My oldest does have school work online, another thanks, which she gets done when she is in her best spirit. Same for my toddler, that girls gets her learning in right before nap time. And my baby, well, he learns all day. 🤩

NAP TIME I will tell you is simply THE BEST FRIEND in my day. They all nap at the same time. I may not always be able to nap as well with them, but I can at least lay, rest, and/or read for that time. I can’t imagine not being able to have a few minutes of silence, to clear my mind of to-do’s and the news, and to check in with loved ones a bit. I think everyone is and wants to do their best at this time. I surely do.

I’ll tell you that for me personally- NAP TIME is what gets me through my today’s.

C-section- The relief of having one, and now two

Monday was a Monday on a September 2013.  I know not to plan anything on Monday’s, because Monday’s are just plain unplanned, chaotic, spontaneous, busy, & just Monday.

After a long night of very spotted sleep I still woke up at 5a to be at the hospital at 6:30a. The earlyness was due to last minute sock shopping at Walgreens because it had dawned on me how cold hospitals were.  (Which was a waste of time because hospitals give you their socks to put on). Anyhow, so I get to the hospital, & start my induction process just fine.  I was nervous, but glad that things were all going as planned. Just a few things to mention…

  • 40 complete weeks of pregnancy
  • Baby would be born on exact due date
  • I felt confident about my health & the baby’s health progress
  • Was able to get the most basic things ready for my girl
  • Was able to work & go to drill up until my due date
  • Getting induced, but delivering naturally

But then…  14hrs of labor happened & I don’t think I ever got past a 1 or 2 dialation. Nothing was happening. I had contractions, but I could hardly feel them. (Note: Not something to look forward to as they do intensify later on when my water broke.). My Dr asked if I wanted to go home & wait for the baby to be ready on her own. Also, my husband had been gone for most of my pregnancy, & it was only possible for him to be here for my scheduled induction. Not only that, I just had this gut wrenching feeling that it had to be today. There was no way I was going home. I’m having this baby today, & I could feel she was ready too.

We continued the induction process, & finally my water broke. I will leave the pains of labor out because there are no words to describe that pain. Plus, It’s an inside thing with my husband.

My baby’s was head down & ready to come out.  What happened is that she was overly eager, & instead of trying to push with her head out, she was kind of stuck trying to push her face out instead.

All I knew was that I was nervous about natural birth, but it’s what I expected.  Then my Dr said “emergency C-Section”.  I went on a complete blank thought process as people were asking me to choose between an epidural, a spinal tap, & general anesthesia.  I couldn’t understand the difference & had to have them explain to me more than 3 times.  My decision to do a spinal tap was mostly based on having my husband in the room with me, & that I didn’t want to have to think about monitoring my own pain.  I felt so lost & even as I lay on the operating table getting surgery I was still in shock.  I couldn’t grasp the idea of not having to push.  It all became an unknown.  All I kept thinking was that I wanted to hear her cry already.  She is all I kept listening for.  As I lay freezing, she was my focus.

Then… I heard her.  It wasn’t a cry per se… it was a completely unique tune.  I wanted to cry,  & only saw her for a few seconds as my husband was the one who got to hold her & cut her umbilical cord.  As she was being thoroughly checked upon, my relief only lasted a few minutes as I picked up on my Dr mentioning hemorrhage & other small things that were sending me into a bit of panic.  My baby was out & so beautiful… now I was thinking I have to stay here.  I can’t & don’t want to go anywhere.  I want to keep feeling this beautiful love for my beautiful daughter.  I just need to stay awake & have faith.

I fought very hard not to give in to the tiredness. When I was all patched up I could only remember having a groggy conversation with my husband & I think I even apologized for not really listening to him.  Even in the recovery room I was anxious to see my baby again.  It seemed like time slowed down even more so because she was out & I wanted to have my bonding time with her.

The Dr said I had made the right call to not go home & wait. & that’s what I call my first mom moment.

When I finally saw her, I couldn’t, & I still can’t, get enough of her beauty.  She’s such a blessing & there are no words to describe the loving impression.

Now for baby #2!

Today is Saturday… I’m having a scheduled C-Section on Tuesday coming up. 3 days!

Although, sometimes I feel the guilt of having had a c-section in the first place, & now of having chosen one… I just know that I really shouldn’t feel that way.  I’ve had people have a little disappointment in their voice when they hear I scheduled a c-section.  They go on & advise me on doing a v-bac so that I can have a full birthing experience.  Although I know they mean well, I’m sitting there feeling like I owe them an explanation for both.  But I don’t.  First time was an unexpected thing, & now it’s just where my comfort is because of some issues I’ve had since the beginning of my pregnancy.

I’m still nervous about the having a baby process, scheduled or not, it’s all overwhelming.

But… I’m ready to meet my 2nd baby girl!!!

UPDATE: May 2017

I had a fairly quick c-section. Even so, it still involved a lot of stress, being nervous, & anxiousness to meet my baby after. It is always an overwhelming process. Having faith in God is definitely reassuring. God willing his miracles & blessings!

Now all my slurred speech apologies were going to my dear friend who sat & waited patiently for me to come to.

I had another beautiful baby girl!

Both of my girls are different in their own ways, but they’re both kindhearted & just so amazing.


A World of Actions over Windy Words

Actions: The only language your need in life. Even those who can’t hear can understand you perfectly by your actions.

Words are an escaped breath we wish we could touch, & that we wish we could see. We hope on a weightless idea.

Although we prefer one over the other… LOVE is the only true form of both. We want to hope for something, & more than anything, we want to live it. -DSegura

#stayinloveandbeloved #hopeonlove


Mommy-and-me drawing

There are definitely lots of fun ways to have a creative session with kids at home.  Today happens to be my new favorite way to share a creative outlet with my baby girl.  [Now, now… she may be turning 2 years old in a couple of weeks, but to me she’s absolutely still technically a one year old, and still my baby.]
And back to our creativity talk…
So today I was trying to find a good way to get my daughter to draw without making too much of a marker mess.  Even though some markers are maked as washable you can never be so sure that the darkest purple washable marker will come right off a light colored carpet or a tiled floor.
Well, I grabbed her “Crayola bath markers”, and sat her down to draw on dining room’s tiled floor.  It was great!  We had fun drawing on the tiles, and the colors popped up pretty great too.  It was so easy to wipe the colors right off with a wet cloth.

Do you ever notice EVERYTHING about your child?

Of course we gain greater powers of observance & over protection for our kids.  How could we not?
Kids are curious & are having an adventure every waking minute. They are so busy having fun that they don’t notice the small stains on their clothes after a paint session, the small scratches they endure when running around & bumping into things, or take a second to stop & think before sticking non-edibles into their mouth.
I happen to consider myself lucky to be a stay at home mother, because I keep my little girl’s environment clean & monitor her play.  Also, our home is small, so no matter what I always have a clear view of her.  On the plus side,  my little girl likes to sit & play right next to me wherever I go. I can be cleaning the restroom & she will be sitting at the doorway playing with her blocks.

Even when taking precautions such as cleaning & baby proofing everything in sight, I just can’t shake the need to check up on my little girl every 5 minutes or less.  I am comfortable that she is safe in our home, but I think it’s definitely a mom thing that keeps me on edge.

She is my little girl, so yes, I notice everything.

I notice when she learns new words, and how she goes from knocking to opening a door herself.  When she falls I rush to her side, & when she gets sleepy she yawns once & I pick her up for a nap.

I let her be independent in her own way, but I keep a close watch from a distance.

My little girl has me on my toes every step of the way.  She includes me in her adventures, & is the sunshine of my day.

I love my little girl, it’s truly true!

My little star shines thru & thru!

My beautiful wise little girl!