Monday was a Monday on a September 2013. I know not to plan anything on Monday’s, because Monday’s are just plain unplanned, chaotic, spontaneous, busy, & just Monday.
After a long night of very spotted sleep I still woke up at 5a to be at the hospital at 6:30a. The earlyness was due to last minute sock shopping at Walgreens because it had dawned on me how cold hospitals were. (Which was a waste of time because hospitals give you their socks to put on). Anyhow, so I get to the hospital, & start my induction process just fine. I was nervous, but glad that things were all going as planned. Just a few things to mention…
- 40 complete weeks of pregnancy
- Baby would be born on exact due date
- I felt confident about my health & the baby’s health progress
- Was able to get the most basic things ready for my girl
- Was able to work & go to drill up until my due date
- Getting induced, but delivering naturally
But then… 14hrs of labor happened & I don’t think I ever got past a 1 or 2 dialation. Nothing was happening. I had contractions, but I could hardly feel them. (Note: Not something to look forward to as they do intensify later on when my water broke.). My Dr asked if I wanted to go home & wait for the baby to be ready on her own. Also, my husband had been gone for most of my pregnancy, & it was only possible for him to be here for my scheduled induction. Not only that, I just had this gut wrenching feeling that it had to be today. There was no way I was going home. I’m having this baby today, & I could feel she was ready too.
We continued the induction process, & finally my water broke. I will leave the pains of labor out because there are no words to describe that pain. Plus, It’s an inside thing with my husband.
My baby’s was head down & ready to come out. What happened is that she was overly eager, & instead of trying to push with her head out, she was kind of stuck trying to push her face out instead.
All I knew was that I was nervous about natural birth, but it’s what I expected. Then my Dr said “emergency C-Section”. I went on a complete blank thought process as people were asking me to choose between an epidural, a spinal tap, & general anesthesia. I couldn’t understand the difference & had to have them explain to me more than 3 times. My decision to do a spinal tap was mostly based on having my husband in the room with me, & that I didn’t want to have to think about monitoring my own pain. I felt so lost & even as I lay on the operating table getting surgery I was still in shock. I couldn’t grasp the idea of not having to push. It all became an unknown. All I kept thinking was that I wanted to hear her cry already. She is all I kept listening for. As I lay freezing, she was my focus.
Then… I heard her. It wasn’t a cry per se… it was a completely unique tune. I wanted to cry, & only saw her for a few seconds as my husband was the one who got to hold her & cut her umbilical cord. As she was being thoroughly checked upon, my relief only lasted a few minutes as I picked up on my Dr mentioning hemorrhage & other small things that were sending me into a bit of panic. My baby was out & so beautiful… now I was thinking I have to stay here. I can’t & don’t want to go anywhere. I want to keep feeling this beautiful love for my beautiful daughter. I just need to stay awake & have faith.
I fought very hard not to give in to the tiredness. When I was all patched up I could only remember having a groggy conversation with my husband & I think I even apologized for not really listening to him. Even in the recovery room I was anxious to see my baby again. It seemed like time slowed down even more so because she was out & I wanted to have my bonding time with her.
The Dr said I had made the right call to not go home & wait. & that’s what I call my first mom moment.
When I finally saw her, I couldn’t, & I still can’t, get enough of her beauty. She’s such a blessing & there are no words to describe the loving impression.
Now for baby #2!
Today is Saturday… I’m having a scheduled C-Section on Tuesday coming up. 3 days!
Although, sometimes I feel the guilt of having had a c-section in the first place, & now of having chosen one… I just know that I really shouldn’t feel that way. I’ve had people have a little disappointment in their voice when they hear I scheduled a c-section. They go on & advise me on doing a v-bac so that I can have a full birthing experience. Although I know they mean well, I’m sitting there feeling like I owe them an explanation for both. But I don’t. First time was an unexpected thing, & now it’s just where my comfort is because of some issues I’ve had since the beginning of my pregnancy.
I’m still nervous about the having a baby process, scheduled or not, it’s all overwhelming.
But… I’m ready to meet my 2nd baby girl!!!
UPDATE: May 2017
I had a fairly quick c-section. Even so, it still involved a lot of stress, being nervous, & anxiousness to meet my baby after. It is always an overwhelming process. Having faith in God is definitely reassuring. God willing his miracles & blessings!
Now all my slurred speech apologies were going to my dear friend who sat & waited patiently for me to come to.
I had another beautiful baby girl!
Both of my girls are different in their own ways, but they’re both kindhearted & just so amazing.